took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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