honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
