if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
