the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
