I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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