wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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