I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
