I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
