is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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