if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
