I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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