I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
