You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
