Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
