I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
