Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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