3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
