I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
