it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
