Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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