in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
