You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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