her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
