Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
