your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
