I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Everclear isn't food dammit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
