and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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