Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
