I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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