id be glad to
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
