Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
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