Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
