Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
