I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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