Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
