Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
