When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
