Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
