Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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