Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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