i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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