Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
