You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
