I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
