My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
