3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
