you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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