Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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