A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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