the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
