When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
