There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
