"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
