I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
