I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
