Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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