I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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