okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
