she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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