and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
God, I missed his penis.
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